THE NORMAL QUESTION..??
The questions are:
- What are you thinking about?
- Do you love me?
- Do I look fat?
- Do you think she is prettier than me?
- What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one
is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (tells the truth).
Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below, along with possible responses.
is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (tells the truth).
Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below, along with possible responses.
Question 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
- Baseball.
- Football.
- How fat you are.
- How much prettier she is than you.
- How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
- (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
Inappropriate responses include:
- I suppose so.
- Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
- That depends on what you mean by love.
- Does it matter?
- Who, me?
Question 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:
- Compared to what?
- I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
- A little extra weight looks good on you.
- I've seen fatter.
- Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:
- Yes, but you have a better personality
- Not prettier, but definitely thinner
- Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
- Define 'pretty'
- Could you repeat the question?
- I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
No matter how you answer this,
be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions,
usually along the these lines:
No matter how you answer this,
be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions,
usually along the these lines:
- She: Would you get married again?
- He: Definitely not!
- She: Why not? Don't you like being married?
- He: Of course I do.
- She: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
- He: Okay, I'd get married again.
- She: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
- He: Yes, I would.
- She: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
- He: Where else would we sleep?
- She: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
- He: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
- She: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
- He: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
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